Sixth Former Dylan Bedford addressed the School community at Church Assembly on Thursday, February 12.
Dylan spoke of not appreciating his mother's unconditional love for him until she was hurt in an accident, and he advised his fellow students, "Don't forget to show your loved ones how much they mean to you, and recognize their love in return."
Read the full transcript of Dylan's talk here.
With Valentine's Day coming up, many of us have a burning question on our minds: How do we tell someone that we love them? ...Flowers? Chocolates? Jewelry? Giant stuffed animals that say, "I Wuv U?" An important question, to be sure. However, it's also important to remember that love comes in many different forms, and that we can often forget to show our loved ones -- not just our "special someone" but our friends and family -- how much we care.
On January 20th, 2014, I was standing in the turnaround at St. Martin's, waiting for my mom to come pick me up. This had become routine over the past three years; each morning my mom would drive me to school and each afternoon (or, in many cases, each evening) she'd bring me back home. She's never owned a cell phone, so plans were usually played by ear. Despite this, however, I always expected to be picked up without delay at the agreed-upon time. Inevitably, she'd arrive later -- either due to my own miscommunication, or traffic, or a change in her schedule. And, inevitably, I'd be angry, with the kind of silent fuming trademarked by teenagers. For weeks this went on, and each time she would ask, "How was school?," to which I would reply with the quintessential, monosyllabic retort: "Fine." Through some strange logic, I had determined that her lateness was somehow deliberate, that she was to blame for whatever traffic or plan mixup had occurred, and thus I was very justified in venting my stress and anxiety through passive aggression. My mom bore this with infinite patience.
Through it all, I assumed it was my mom's sole duty to fetch me at the appointed time, and if not, to suffer the slings and arrows of sighs and rolled eyeballs. After all, she didn't understand my struggle -- the latest paper, assignment, recitation, or test weighing down on me; these were burdens only I could bear. As I waited and waited in the St. Martin's turnaround, the only thoughts on my mind were, "I'm going to have so little time to study tonight. I'll probably have to stay up late to get my work done." Then, 5:35 became 5:45. 5:45 became 6:30. Still fuming, I took out my cell phone and called my dad. He was out with a friend, and didn't have his car -- he couldn't pick me up. I asked where mom was, and why she was late. He didn't know. Slowly, I began to feel that something wasn't quite right. As I continued waiting, a minivan drove down Manor House road and stopped at the turnaround. A woman I hadn't met before got out and asked, "are you Dylan?" "....Yes."
"Your mom's been in an accident."
She went on to tell me that my mom had sent her; that she was alright, and that she had asked her to go and find me. My mom was so focused on getting me, even after the shock of the accident her first thought was of my own safety. Mine had been of my homework. Having heard the news, my sister came to the school, picked me up, and we drove to the hospital. After much waiting, we were finally allowed to see her. As soon as we entered the room, she smiled at us, and I was just glad to see she was alive, though worse for wear. She was wearing a hospital gown, since they had had to cut off her clothes to give her stitches on her head and neck.
There in that room, I realized what a fool I'd been -- I had completely ignored and disregarded how much my mom loved me. Over all the stress and work I had obsessed over, fretted about, and externalized to passive aggression, I'd forgotten to love in return those who love me, and it had taken a car crash to finally put things in perspective.
So, how do we tell someone how we love them? We show it, through kind words and actions. We have to show our family, and we have to show our friends. As the novelist George Sand said, "There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved." So, this Valentine's Day, as you're buying your flowers, chocolates, and expensive rocks, remember: We can't forget to show our loved ones -- not just our "significant others," but our family and friends -- how much they mean to us, and recognize their love in return.
Thank you.